This is a picture of my linen closet. It's simple and organized and everything has a place. I don't have a before picture, but to give you a visual, Tallan and Keslie had successfully taken everything off the shelves while I was making dinner last night. Everything. Blankets, towels, and bedding were thrown all over our upstairs. It was chaos! It pretty much gave me anxiety just looking at the mess and thinking about the amount of work it was going to take to put it all back together.
As I started refolding everything, I decided it was as good a time as any to start cleaning out and making some changes. All 3 sets of crib bedding I had been storing in that closet are now gone. So are all of the baby blankets and cutesie burp cloths. The beach towels are a little higher on the shelves now that they won't be used for awhile. The blankets are a little more accessible. Time to move on and start a new season of life.
The past 6 months of life in our house, have been a little like the before picture of my closet. It's been chaotic and filled with anxiety and looking at life and thinking about how to put it all back together was hard. I struggled to give my husband and kids the attention they needed and deserved. I ignored what should have been a priority and I wasn't taking care of myself either. As long as I wasn't in the car alone or in the shower, I was really good at pretending I was okay, but every once in awhile, reality took center stage over my acting.
Sunday, a friend of mine gave a lesson in Relief Society and mentioned how bad she felt about herself while reading other people's blogs because everyone's lives seem so perfect in the blogging world. Everyone's kids are perfect. Everyone's husbands are perfect. All of the perfect neighborhood moms get together during the day and do perfect motherly things with their kids. Everyone's family vacations are perfect. Everyone has perfect holidays with their parents. That's why I'm writing this. For the past 6 months I haven't wanted to write a blog, and I rarely looked at anyone elses for that very reason. I felt like I was the only one whose life wasn't "perfect". But, it's time to be real and honest. It's time to start telling the truth and possibly admit what most people think but won't say out loud. Life is hard. Did you hear me? LIFE IS HARD!
So, like my closet, I'm cleaning out, I'm trying to get a fresh start. Hopefully with a little less chaos. A little more organization (since I successfully forgot about both of my kid's picture days at school this year), and a little more attention to detail...like my family. It's time to get rid of the things in my life that I can live without, that are just taking up space, just like in my closet. No more facade of "perfection". It's time to give the important things that are left, a place, and a priority, hopefully keeping it simple, with a little more organization. I know it's going to take some work, and it won't be easy, but it will be worth it.
One of the first things going on the shelf...facing some fears. I have only been back down to Hurricane one time since my mom's funeral and that was to clean out her classroom 5 months ago. It was hard. It was one of the hardest things I have done and I have been scared to go back to visit my grandma, sister, brother, and their families ever since. Several times we have made plans to go down and then I would make an excuse not to at the last minute. We are planning on going to Hurricane for Thanksgiving this year. There! I've said it out loud. I've made the announcement to the world, well, to whoever reads this, and I'm going to follow through with it.
Here is to cleaning out the rest of my closet, being honest, and giving my life a new look...