Sunday, April 04, 2010

Easter Sunday

What a beautiful morning to reflect on the perfect life of the Savior as well as the amazing life of my mom. Mom passed away around 2am this morning peacefully in her sleep, while for the first time in at least a month, no one was watching her. Jenn and I had gone home yesterday afternoon to be with our families for Easter and my mom's two sisters were taking the night shift with her but had both fallen asleep. I think it was just what my mom wanted.




I am overwhelmingly sad, but have so much joy thinking about the glorious reunion she is having with my dad, her dad, her granddaugher, Natalie, and do many other people who love her. I am so glad that her tired, sick body doesn't have to suffer anymore. I know that when the time comes I will be reunited with my mom and dad too.




I am ashamed to admit this, but I know it is important to share my testimony about the last 24 hours. I woke up yesterday morning at my mom's house and was bitter with my Heavenly Father. I questioned how He could let my mom continue to suffer for so long after all of our prayers to release her from all of the pain and let her return to Him. I questioned how He could possibly love her and still let her go through such a horrible illness. I questioned how He could love me as an individual when I prayed so hard for my mom over the past year that she was sick and that I could be there with her when she passed but my prayers were not answered how I wanted in that either. After Val called me when mom passed away, I felt Heavenly Father's arms around me so strong that it physically hurt. I was overwhelmed with how strong his love really is for me and my mom. I learned when my dad passed and I am learning again, that Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us and He loves all of us so much. Although we don't understand sometimes, we need to not question, but have faith that everything is part of the plan and that everything happens for a reason. I know it was hard for my Heavenly Father to watch my mom suffer just as it was hard for Him to watch our Savior, Jesus Christ, suffer throughout His life, and ultimately on the cross in Gethsemane. He is perfect in all things and He will never abandon or betray us.



The ground is covered in white this morning and even though I have been anxiously awaiting Spring, there is something comforting about having an excuse to lay around with my cozy blanket listening to the message of the Prophet and the apostles during Conference with my family.




Thank you again for all of the prayers, fasting, help with my kids, meals, etc. It was an honor and a priveledge to be able to spend time with my mom and take care of her over the past month and for all of the tender moments I was able to be apart of with her and my siblings.




Funeral arrangements will be posted soon for those that are interested.

25 comments:

Nichole said...

We are so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Emily said...

Oh Becky I wondered if it would be today. I've been thinking about you a lot- you are one amazing woman.

Julie Carlile said...

Becky thank you for sharing your testimony it was beautiful and something I needed to hear. I pray for your family during this time that you can have peace and comfort. I hope that the funeral is a beautiful one and you can give a great tribute to your mother. I will stop by later this week to see how you are doing. Please let me know if you need anything. Love you, Julie

Adam and Melisa said...

Love you Becky! Thanks for sharing your sweet testimony! Sometimes it's easy to forget our Heavenly Fathers love..hang in there and please call me if you need anything!

Amber said...

We love you! You are in our prayers xoxo. you are an amazing lady!

Wendy W. said...

You are an amazing woman. Thanks for sharing. Your testimony is inspiring. What an emotional reunion your mother had today. Stay strong and know you are in our prayers.

all that i love said...

I know that you have had many wonderful people helping you through out this past year, but I still wish that I could have been there to support you. Know that we love you and your family and hope that you feel our Savior's love even more. You are a great example of strength and courage.

Ricki said...

I am glad that you got your feelings out! I think it is important and all warranted! It is so hard sometimes for us to figure out why Heavenly Fathers will and ours are different. I think her being alone when she went home was another one of Heavenly Fathers tender mercies. We all know that she hated when people fussed over her! She wanted to do everything her way, and we all love her for it!

I hope you know how much the relationships we have had with your entire family, through your mom, are very important to me. You guys are amazing just like she is!! Both your parents did a good job raising such strong and faithful children! I know they are both so proud of you!

Peggy said...

I agree...you are amazing Becky! We will continue to pray for you and your family.

Reynolds said...

I thought about you yesterday during conference and wondered how your Mom was doing. I am sorry for your sadness, but so glad that your sweet mother will be at peace and released from her pain. I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

Liz said...

That was a beautiful post. I am so sorry for the hurt that you are feeling but glad that your mom isn't suffering anymore. We will keep your family in our prayers.

brooke said...

I had been so emotional all day today, not knowing why. Seriously crying about every little thing. I didn't find out about your mom until around mid-day, but when I heard, I knew that that must be why I was so emotional. Your mom was always the most amazing and brilliant person. I always enjoyed her company and the love she had for me and for everyone. I love you so much Becky! I'll see you soon. xoxo

MacD Kids said...

I too thought about your mom, wondering if today would be the day. I signed on here just to see if there was news. What a beautiful thing that the day we celebrate Jesus' resurrection, your mom moved from death to new life as well. Becky, it has been so long since I've seen you, but I wish today we could be teenagers again and I could cry with you in your room. Over something that really is worth tears this time :) Love you old friend. Hang in there.

Lance and Becky said...

We are so sorry for your loss. I was so happy to read your testimony and hear how much peace you have for this whole experiance. Love You!!!

Amanda said...

Oh Becky - I'm so sorry about your mother. But I am grateful that you have shared your testimony with me and helped me to learn as well. You are an inspiration. We will keep you and your family in our prayers! love you guys!

Steph said...

Becky, what an inspiration you are to all of us. As well as your mother was. She was truly a fighter and as much as my heart hurts for you, it really is such a comforting thought to think of her being with her sweetheart once again. You are so strong and your testimony was beautiful. Please let me know if I can do anything for you and your family. :) Love ya, Steph

Brooke said...

Becky, I am so sorry to have read about the loss of your mom. I can't imagine what you have been going through. I also thought your blog post was so sweet.

murdockspencer said...

Thank you for sharing your sweet testimony Becky. I am so sorry for your loss but so glad that she is with your dad now and free of pain. I know we havent talked in years but please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there and take care! I love you - Chelsea

J.R. and Meg +3 said...

Oh Becky, our hearts go out to you and your family. I hope this is a peaceful time for you all. Thanks for your example. We are thinking of you.

Gina said...

We are so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing your testimony. We are thinking of you and your family.

brandy said...

We are so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your beautiful testimony. Sending prayers your way!!

Dartay said...

Becky, we are so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like such an amazing, strong woman. Your testimony is so sweet. Our prayers and thoughts are with you. We love you guys.

Banks Family said...

What an awesome lady and what an awesome daughter she had! Let us know if there is anything we can do to help you and your family out. Love you guys too!
Banks

Jamie Jensen Hill said...

I've been thinking about you and I want you to know how completely amazing you are and how strong you must be to have endured this, along with the loss of your dad and to still have such a sweet testimony. I don't think I could've been so strong. Love you & my prayers are with you and your family.

Sarah said...

oh becky, i'm so sorry. i can't imagine going through what your family has had to go through. you are amazing to me and i hope that you find comfort during this difficult time. i really want to talk to you- call me anytime, or maybe i'll try calling you again.